It's the small things. The small details. Or is it really?
I'm feeling a bit silly drinking a cup of tea, re-living words from Cathy earlier in the day
When I woke up this morning, I was very excited. Having been overseas for four months, I was coming back to work with one of my favourite ladies. When I first met her, I didn't feel this way. I answered the phone. A little shy. But fascinated. Scared. And excited. All at the same time. I was out of my depth.
After an hour of walking with each other. We clicked. We bonded. And slowly, over the past year, we have become in sync. She is no longer my client. She is my friend. My homie.
I'm not unlike most girls and boys... often times I a bite off more sensitivity than I can chew.
And, when I get overly ambitious...
and bit off more than I can chew...
I find myself eventually throwing up all over myself.
Overthinking Cathy's words is a prime example of one of these mini-vomits.
As I was walking down the street, flustered after waking up late, trying to remember if I tapped off the bus, responding to a text, thinking about the upcoming swim with Cathy and worrying about how it's already Tuesday and I have yet to write a to do list.
With all of these thoughts dancing in my head, I wasn't focused on the upcoming outing with my homie. So when we walked down the road and she told me I'd put on weight. I froze.
The thing is. Is she has schizophrenia. And thoughts and words don't come easy. And her condition is what as taught me a lot. Voices in her head. Altered experiences of reality. Multiple personalities. This is what she faces everyday. But take one look at her and you would have no idea. She smiles. She's happy. She talks. This is all on the surface.
Behind the scenes. She smokes. She has no mobile. A landline off the hook. A TV with only free-to-air. A small one bedroom apartment. The bare essentials to not let anything effect her. This is what life is like for her every day.
So when I froze. It was too late.
This tiny fuck-up was a nice reminder for me to slow down and listen carefully. Instead of overthinking. I need to focus on one thing and do that one thing well. That is being their for others. I made a life changing choice becoming a hero. I am helping those with disabilities. Fighting loneliness. Giving companionship. And what it's about, is putting yourself second for a change.
Growing up isn't always easy. I've suffered and grown. Dealt with depression. Epilepsy. Loneliness. It's always been about me. A struggle. Until I began working with a lady with schizophrenia. Cathy has changed my perspective and opened up my eyes. Giving me the big picture. It sounds cheesy. I know. But it is true.